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so i've been meaning to write this blog for awhile now and have just been lazy about it. i will add a new blog www.bloggersatemy (you won't know until this thing comes out).blogspot.com after the baby is born. so in the mean time, i wanted to keep everyone up to date with this pregnancy through this blog. but i'm already 19 weeks and obviously haven't done a very good job of that.
so we had planned on trying to have the next member of the family in the summer as i'm tired of having kid's birthday parties in our basement because of michigan weather. but back at the end of march i found out that i was pregnant. all i could think of was...NO!!! not another winter/holiday baby!!! and in fact, i would have been due a day or two before thanksgiving. which in a way was pretty fitting seeing as though i've had a christmas/new years baby and an easter baby.
so after panicking about having yet another winter baby i then panicked about the fact that talan would only be 2 1/2 and i just didn't think i could handle that small of an age gap. i used to think the over 4 years hayden and talan are would be too big, but i LOVE it and if i were younger i'd aim to have all of my kids 4 years apart. but since i keep having birthday's, 3 years is about the biggest gap i can have...and that still freaks me out a bit.
so i pretty much realize on a thursday that i am pregnant but don't want to pee on a stick because i've never once peed on a stick and had it come back negative. i like to live in a land called denial. but on friday i realized there was no escaping it and i took the dang test.
a couple of days went by and i started to get a bit used to it. maybe because dave was so on board with it so that lessened my anxiety a tiny bit.
but the whole time i felt different. i kept wondering if the baby would be healthy which i never really did with the boys. i never have really been sick during my pregnancies but this one just felt different to me....inside my head at least. and then a week after finding out i was pregnant, i had a miscarriage.
i called the dr. who was just about ready to close so they told me to head to the er. dave came home from work and i headed to the hospital (which i will NEVER do again...such a waste of time to sit there for over 4 hours to eventually be told "yeah, we think you are miscarrying but aren't totally sure. go to your dr. in a couple of days.). after the total waste of time i finally headed home sure that i was having a miscarriage. but i was ok with it. i mean, i wasn't the happiest day of my life, but i knew it was for the best all the way around. the next day i went to see my dr. who pretty much confirmed i was miscarrying. basically i just had to wait it out and come back in for another blood draw to make sure my levels were going down to normal.
i didn't cry until my dr. came in and told me how sorry he was. why?! why does he have to be the nicest guy in america?!
so yeah. that ended that. we were now in early april and it was back to planning on a summer baby.
until july 6th when we see this:
(that means...hey! you're having a baby!...see, never a negative)
about a week before we are to head to kings island, and i find out i'm pregnant again. god really doesn't want me to have a summer baby (it's really probably for the best since my pregnancy with talan and this one i get a really bad rash called PUPS...some pregnancy related rash...when i get really warm. i guess god really does know best.). so immediately i'm doing research online to see if i can ride roller coasters if i'm just barely pregnant. i even call the dr. everyone advises against it, but i know it's for "just in case" purposes. i rode a roller coaster anyway.
i told jessica i was knocked up and she just looked at me and said "you are not." yup. i am.
we kept it quiet until i went to visit the dr. for the first time at 9 weeks when we saw this:
(that's the baby the stick told us about)
after that, we told mom and then jenn. but we decided to wait to tell most everyone else until we heard the heartbeat at 12 weeks.
this time around i once again wasn't consumed with thoughts of "will it be healthy?!" i mean, i'm naturally a pessimist...so if something goes wrong, i'm expecting it. but i just felt more like i did with the boys this time around.
and then on august 25th we heard this:


and then the word spread via facebook and this blog.
i went in to see the dr. on sepember 22 for my 16 week checkup. he went to listen to the heartbeat but couldn't find it. he searched for a little while while i got a little more freaked with each passing second thinking, yup, figures. after a few minutes he went out to get an ultrasound machine to see what was going on. it turns out that the placenta was laying right over top of the baby which made it hard to hear the heartbeat. the baby was also laying in a very weird position which then made it hard for him to get a good picture on the ultrasound machine of the heartbeat. he did see it though, but then the baby would move. apparently, my womb breeds hyperactive babies who never stop moving. this one was moving so much that he could never get a good picture of it. every time he did, the baby immediately moved. so things looked really good. it was a strong heartbeat and the baby was very active.
i believe that i started feeling the baby move around 14 or 15 weeks. i can never be too sure because i'm not a person that is very in tune with her own body. i mean, i never even know i'm in labor for goodness sake. so i feel a flutter and usually just think it's a twitch. but this time, i'm pretty sure it was the baby a few of those times.
at my 16 week checkup, dr. hakim sent me home with the papers to call and set up my ultrasound between 18 and 20 weeks and i made my next appointment to see him on october 23rd when i'll be close to 21 weeks.
i came home and scheduled my ultrasound appointment for october, 14th which would be this coming wednesday and i am now 19 weeks along. i still feel the baby a couple of times a day (i think) and i still feel great.
i had a day last week where i felt HORRIBLE though. i've never felt that way with either of the other two pregnancies. i went to the outlet with my mom and just felt gross and yucky. not really nauseated, but just awful. i had a bit of a headache and my stomach felt like i was about 8 months pregnant. i couldn't sleep well the nite before and i couldn't lay on my stomach or hardly even on my side i felt so huge.
luckily, by the time i went to bed that nite, i felt almost normal again. i woke up the next morning and felt fine and have continued feeling fine ever since. maybe it was just so i could have a little more sympathy for what most other pregnant woman go through! either way...i don't want to feel that way ever again!
i'll try to post a little more regularly throughout this pregnancy if only to remind myself as my memory is completely shot.
but expect photos from the photo shoot we have on wednesday!